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Lambton Zoo

And so I'm turning the corner from Bowen Street into Lambton Quay and its lunchtime on a Tuesday...

19 Sep 2002

A glimpse of a Tuesday afternoon.

And so I'm turning the corner from Bowen Street into Lambton Quay and its lunchtime on a Tuesday.

The masses are all scrambling into banks, takeaway outlets and magazine stores to get their hardcore german porno before scuttling off to the excutive bathroom for a bit of self-love to pass the lunchbreak.

The sound of a jack-hammer breaks my concentration and i'm wondering why the Wellington City Council seems determined to turn the side walks into garish orange tiles. Venturing further now into a sea of black suits.

Moving down Lambton at great speeds as I always try to walk as fast as possible and at lunchtimes. It's like F1 racing.

Stride up behind someone and get into the slipstream. Wait for an opening and deal to the slow bastard - scream past and let out a cloud ciggarette smoke - leaving them gaping and wild eyed as you disappear in a cloud a noxious fumes.

Damn these annoying people who group up and line the footpath, then walk slowly, pointing at things.

Where do they come from? Do they nest? I wanna find their lair and lay waste to the sickening brood.

Its always handy to get behind a large "exec" who is deterimned to get to the office (we know why) follow behind one of these types and use him as a blocker.

These guys dont stop for nothing.

They'll knock down old ladies and run in front of buses.

Getting deeper now and the environment is getting more crowded and hostile. Stumble, "Shit", continue.

Wierd how the human traffic sperates itself into two distinct lines, each travelling a differant direction. It is for chumps and people who wait for the green man before crossing the road.

I swing from side to side, nearly being hit by buses and colliding with people who are charging out of stores with armfuls of products and pornography.

I have been noticing how the more normal citizens are giving me grim looks and accusing eyes.

Maybe its because im not following lines I wonder as I take another swig of beer.

Menaced by a greenpeace guy who tries to attack me with his cipboard - "For only $5 a month you can blahblahblah" - I quickly flee but I am immediatly approached by a hippie who is carrying all sorts of buddist material.

Before she can speak to me I put my hand out and tell her I already have all the answers, then wink at a pretty girl as I move forward.

Getting closer to Willis St now and the mules are moving thick and fast around me.

Im getting elbowed and shoved around but I can't stop stumbling.

I wish i had a crossbow so I could clear a path. I see one of these Jesus-freaks handing out leaflets and singing "Michael Rode the Boat Ashore".

This is like the goddamn Twilight Zone! - What the hell there's two of them on either side of the footpath.

I'll never make it alive.

They will see i'm demon seed and jump me so they can force a conversion. Be cool, relax, breathe. I strut past and grab a leaflet off both of them.

It promises to tell me "THE FACTS".

I briefly consider stopping and having serious chat with one of these brainwashed monkeys but instead tear up the leaflets, hoping it to look sympbolic but it looks crazy.

None of that matters now because I am on Willis and these people are differant.

Just strolling in the sun on this fine day in our fantastic city. All smiles and handshakes.

I duck into a store and decide to by some pornography

I'm no different.