Thru the Eye of Obscure

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Mel Palmer in Auckland
Saunders, Claire, Demian and myself ventured off like lambs to the slaughter to a lovely little town called Marriceville

It was dark when we got there. About 150 people milling around this barn, the males _all_ sporting mullets (I never knew the extent of the range of this hairstyle) drinking Tui whilst the females (?) staggered around (sporting mullets) and drinking rum straight from bottles. I quickly hid my miniture bottles of lindy and peach snaps not wanting to look so soft.

After the gramaphones and "mixer" was set up (in the barn) we proceeded to wander around getting settled. It was about this time a particularly scary mullet wearing female decided I was the one for her. yikes. Best get drunk i say.

First up was this pretty cool DJ (who didn't have a mullet) laying down a nice selection of drum and bass. The males in the herd seemed to like this as it was kinda hardout and the rythm was so disjointed they could dance to it and not look foolish. Oh-oh i thought. What are they going to think of House? It was about this time we started feeling for John. Soon enough the crown was dangerously drunk and it was John's turn to take to the decks. Wipe away sweat and lets go...

They don't like House in Mulletsville. Perhaps it reminds them of gentle less hostile days when they used to smoke buds rather than drink them. Anyways, us diehards were there pretending to have a good time dancing whilst keeping one eye bolted to the nearest bogan for any sudden moves. It was about this time a _very_ drunk woman started hassling John to play some Abba. John politely declined for the first 3 times and on the fourth he (still ever-so-politely) told her to fuck off. Unfortunately for him - Mr. Mullet-wearing-Speightsdrinking-boyfriend overheard. Referring to:

People may complain, but you can be sure most of them are more than h.a.p.p.y., even if they're not jumping up & down.

Ohhhhh this guy jumped up and down alright. Beer bottles were thrown AT John (i kid you not) and everything just went to shit. Threats were made and the host was warned. Shaken we retreated to the jeep and sat there in amazement. How far behind were these people?? The only good thing was they had a lot of money and John was paid extremely well for the night. I'm sure it was also a pay-off ("don't tell your other DJ buddies about this coz we like you pussy city types - gives us something to play with").

So we all found a bedroom (with matching Telly Tubbies duvets) and hunkered down for the night, all 4 of us shivering in the darkness waiting for the light of day. Next thing I knew I opened my eyes and there was John standing over me looking tired in the weak early 7am light, "come on, we're going, that psycho is camped outside the room, we have to go now". We were all on our feet within 2. I cautioustly opened the door to see the Mulletmonstor snoring on the floor. I kid you not folks, we tip-toed out of there not making _any_ sudden moves. Made it to the Jeep and the goddam thing wouldn't start. Forget "I know what you did last summer". Finally it started. One last scare - a mullet appeared at the window (making us gasp) asking for a lift into town. "No!" we answered in unison as Demian floored it in reverse down the driveway running over a hedge and a gallon drum used for a fire and at long last - we were heading for Auckland. Honestly folks it was like something out of a fuckn movie. If it wasn't so damn scary it would have been bloody funny (which it is in retrospect although John is still having nightmares). I have the the video to prove it if anyone wants to watch it. It'll sure give the grandkids something to talk about.

Ahhhhhh Auckland. First up I want to say see you kids in 6 months. All 4 of us have pledged alligence to the city and we're moving up so look out. First stop was Scott Peters house. What a guy! What a setup! What gracious hosting. Jen came over and we all got beautifully blunted and thats when i was told Farina was on at The Box. There goes the sawmill plan (how did that go?). Having never been to The Box before I was amping to get on the floor. Apart from losing my wallet _the_second_ i walked through the door, What a NIGHT!!!!! I thought Wellie kids knew how to party but you Aucklanders rock. Beautiful smiling faces everywhere I turned, very much unlike the hostile dancefloor I experienced at Kase with Tenaglia. I felt like Norm from Cheers with greetings coming from all sorts, D.Christie, Mr. Phin, LEWIS!! (thanks baby), and what a sight to behold... the beautiful Miss Chelsea. We hadn't hooked up since the Christchurch trance fest so it was wonderful to see you Chels. Farina was grinning like a cheshire cat. Best part of the night was cutting up the dancefloor with the Warner machine (we were the last ones on the floor howling for more tunes from John Harding!) and getting lots and lots of love from Jen and friends. I was wearing a new top (found in Wellie only) and was graciously pleased when a lovedup bunny pleaded with me to swap tops! 6am found Lewis, Jen and I sitting in a booth wondering where to get a beer. Before leaving I thought I'd have a futile attempt at finding my wallet. Proceeded to the bar 'Have you seen my wallet?" "whats in it?" " some Active 89FM matches and a visa" "here ya go.." SAY WHAT??!!!! wicked! i grabbed the barman, gave him a kiss and babbled on about my first time at The Box. (woops). Sinners were only letting in "members" (does that include gunmen looking for drugmoney?) so reluctantly it was hometime. Seeing as my Wellie counterparts had wussed out around 4am, trying to sound like you know where you are going in Auckland whilst instructing a cab driver on your own is quite tricky. "ummm Epsom please" "is that the blah blah turn off or the blah blah turn off?" "ohhh doesn't reallllllly matter thanks mate". Cost me $25 to get home coz I had to get him to drive around until I recognised the street (let alone the house). Pole-vaulting the electronic gate saw me sprawled amongst the daisies laughing my head off at the wonder of Auckland. (your house ain't _that_ hard to infiltrate Peters!)

and so it was... more of the same. Loved the place, loved the people. It was great to see the George setup and was great to hang at Mr. Sweetmans house for a while checking out his setup and all those cool Love things. Did all the touristiky things like playing hack along Mission Bay and smoking up big on Mount Eden. Still didn't get to the top of the sky tower though.

Missed catching up with a few people (hence no call Chels) as i got very very sick, got the flu had a huge asthma attack and have spent the rest of my time on steroids (heh - look out). Good thing is i spose is it's been a week, 1 day and 2 hours since I had my last ciggie. Wish me luck.

Auckland thank you. ... see you in 6 months.